All right kids, gather round, we have a very special guest today. His name is Ian Ashmore aka Thrashmore. He is just like the rest of us in the sense that he loves boarding, beers and listening to lots of Black Sabbath.
What makes this curious denim-vested fellow special is that he played with a calculator and space dust for about a decade and got himself a doctorate in astrophysics. No, we are not kidding, not one tiny little bit. So please remember to address him as Dr. Thrashmore!
This overachiever is also co-owner of the raddest thing out of England, Dalikfodda, when he isn't busy doing his day job as the marketing magician over at Bataleon. We decided to pick the good doctor's brain and asked him all the technical and existential conundrums you ponder about on the chairlift. So, listen up and take notes, this is going to be on the final exam!
Can you write us an equation that incorporates all the factors that determine the flight trajectory of a snowboarder?
A snowboarder starts off at rest and then accelerates down a slope to speed "v", taking off a ramp of height "h" that makes an angle with the horizontal. If we assume air resistance to be negligible, he maintains a constant horizontal speed and during his flight, the only force acting on him is gravity.
If his total takeoff speed is split into horizontal (vx) and vertical (vy) components, then vx is a constant; vx = vcos. His initial vertical component is given by vy = vsin, but as soon as he takes off gravity takes effect and decelerates his upward vertical motion. The gravitational force is given by Fg = mg, where g is the acceleration due to gravity.
This is a constant. This is all the information that is needed, but like any good teacher I’m not doing the work for you. A dalikfodda beanie and a gold star goes to the best effort at a decent equation posted on facebook.com/dalikfodda!
Do the moon or stars affect snowfall in any way?
His balls are as big as his brain, Thrashmore increasing the "vx" and "vy" components up in Norway with a big fucking BS5 stale
Everything affects everything else, baby. If the poles ever did flip, would it still snow in the same places?
If the poles were to flip then the magnetic north would move to the south and vice versa. The geographic north pole is not the same as the magnetic pole – it is the point on which the Earth rotates. That would remain unchanged when the magnetic poles flipped. Since it is the alignment of the Earth’s rotation to the plane in which it orbits the Sun that determines the weather, the snow would still fall in the same places. What riders personify style over substance for you? What about substance over style?
I think anyone who does their own thing and doesn’t worry too much about what others think is on the right track. It’s easy to spend too much time worrying about how you look to others and not enough time doing what feels good to yourself.
Riders who are doing their own thing and making it looks good include (but aren’t limited to); Jamie Lynn, Tyler Chorlton, Danny Larsen, Jake OE, Gus Engle, the whole DWD team, Gigi and Nicolas Muller. UK guys who I love to go dirtbag shredding with are Jonny Russell, Will Smith, Jamie Nicholls and shitgoose.
Can you explain to us the Afterbang Theory?
Ian put the hurt on San Miguel.
The Afterbang Theory states that balance and symmetry are the natural order of the Universe. Therefore any action that adheres to economy of motion as its modus operandi can be considered to have "Afterbang"’. The Afterbang Theory was popularly applied to snowboarding around 5-10 years ago, when super smooth, controlled riding was the order of the day.
Recently the Afterbang theory has been superseded by the Hesh Law. This instead states that the natural order is random and chaotic and its application to snowboarding means hanging on for dear life and making the trick look like it was hard. What is the Nate Bozung particle?
The twentieth century saw an odyssey of discovery into the fundamental building blocks of nature. The distinctions between the so-called "elementary" particles comes from the combination of fundamental properties that each possesses. Some properties, such as mass and electric charge, are familiar from everyday experience, however others have no large scale counterpart. These include spin, flavor and wrongness.
Not all particles are wrongly charged, but those that are interact with a field permeating all of space, known as the Nate Field. During these interactions the wrongly charged particles become hyper flammable; developing crazy facial tattoos and gnarly drinking habits. Quantum mechanics demands that all fields must be MADE UP of particles on small enough scales. The MADE UP particles carrying the Nate Field are the Nate Bozungs. They were first suggested in 1980 to account for the retarded behavior of some crappy particles in toilet bowl chambers, they were finally detected in 2012. The wasted nature of the Nate Field ensures that Nate Bozungs are extremely massive and look like a mess. They leave trails of destruction through the detector chambers. The energies needed to produce isolated Nate Bozungs are so high that it took the full force of the Large Hardon Collider to produce them.
Nate Bozung particles are inherently unstable. They tend to become degenerate and undergo breakdowns. These breakdowns result in golden showers of leperons and secondary hardons, together with their associated R.A.D.S. All together, these leave the detector looking like a plasterer’s radio. The detection of the Nate Bozung particle represents the last piece of the Scuzzy Model of particle physics, confirming that Nietzche was right and leading to it being called the God Farticle by some physicists and philosophers.
If someone gets inverted in the Southern Hemisphere, are they really upside down?
Getting in on some Tamworth dome action with the obligatory lid attached to his dome.
Only in relation to the ground. In relation to someone in the Northern (or proper) Hemisphere, they are right side up. If speed and one's distance from the Earth affects time, can snowboarding keep us younger?
Special Relativity means that time for a fast-moving snowboarder moves slower than it does for an observer who is stationary relative to him. However, General Relativity demands that the snowboarder’s time also runs faster than any observer who is closer to the center of the Earth. Which effect is largest depends on how high off the ground the rider is versus how fast he moves. Annoyingly, the youngest snowboarder would therefore be the dude in lycra who has been bashing gates since 1987 (Jeremy Sladen). Is progression infinite? Is there parabola or equation to express this?
Progression down any particular path is finite. It is the number of paths and their relation to each other that is infinite. I would say that the shape is much closer to a fractal.
If someone lands a trick in the woods and no one sees it, did that trick really get stomped?
Sabbath Bloody Sabbath on a pink ukelele in white denim hot pants. That'll be DOCTOR Thrashmore to you, sonny! Photo: Aurelie Silbermann
There is a problem in modern physics; an observer is required to make a measurement in order for there to be a definite outcome to an experiment. In the case of the snowboarder there are two options: a) the snowboarder himself cannot be considered a conscious observer. In this case, he may exist in a superposition of states where he both stomped and slammed the trick but must be considered to be a vegetable. Or b) the snowboarder can be considered conscious and collapses his own wavefunction. The outcome is then definite and the only consideration left is whether the rider is trustworthy enough to be believed. Why is it so quiet when it snows?
This is because snowflakes are excellent insulators of sound waves, as they absorb them very efficiently. This means that when the air is thick with snowflakes, or what is known as a "white out", no sound wave is able to travel very far from the point where it was produced. Some say snowboarder's brains are worth a lot of money on the black organ market because they have never been used. Is this true or is it a case of a congenitally underdeveloped prefrontal cortex (the area where consequences are assessed in the brain)?
Last time I tried to sell a snowboarder's brain I didn’t get very much for it. Perhaps that was because it was in Bogota, Colombia and the brain was still attached to the rest of the body. Do you have a good contact for selling them? My basement is starting to smell.
Why is it so difficult to remember moments of pain?
Squared up front board with hometown advantage, Yorkshire, baby, Yorkshire!
Because when you fall, you close your eyes and if you didn’t see it, it never happened. Do you think there are other planets with rideable snowy mountains existing in the universe?
I would bet my life on it. This is just a numbers game. We can see many star systems: one hundred billion galaxies like our Milky Way, each with one hundred billion stars on average. For the Earth to be the only planet in the Universe with snowy mountains is not at all likely. What is one inevitable truth about snowboarding?
It is going to hurt.
There is a tropical brainstorm hiding under that ponytail... Photo: Aurelie Silbermann.