Time is moving faster and faster heading straight into the future at full speed. Anything can happen! Some say that snowboarding is dying but that is obviously not true. If you are a snowboarder, ask yourself "Am I dead?". If you want snowboarding to grow take a homie that has never been boarding with you next time you go. What direction it will head is another question where the answer resides in you. The future of snowboarding is in the hands of the individuals that ride and those who work in the industry. Here are some possible comical/scary/relieving paths we explored that may unfold in the near future of snowboarding. Be the change that you wish to see in the snowboarding...
No Contest: After the 2014 Sasquach Yolymporks the People's Republic of China refuses to not be on another podium. Out of nowhere they will fully sweep the next Olympics winning all 6 medals for Slopestyle and Superpipe with a squad of athletes created specially for the games. Using DNA samples taken from their 2008 gymnastics team and grown in a top-secret lab, all six athletes delivered identical, perfect runs of back-to-back triple cork 1440’s. Consequently, disappointed competitors from the rest of the world decide that contests have become obsolete, and retire to work on their powder turns and hashtags.
TTR=ISF: Following the collapse of the FIS in the ‘Chinagate’ aftermath, the TTR regains control of the contest circuit, provided it rebrands as the ‘ISF’(International Snowboard Federation). The triple cork backlash escalates. Judging criteria is revamped. Somewhere around 2003, snowboarding stopped getting more stylish and kept getting more technical. While stylish 900’s and 1080’s have been done, it’s generally accepted that a straight method is the most stylish trick possible, followed by a slow backside 180, then a frontside 360, backside 540, frontside 720… you get the picture. All tricks will now be performed in this 180-720° aesthetic sweet spot. Jamie Lynn is hired as head judge. Bibs to be phased out and riders begin wearing extravagant constumes. In the future, flat podiums with room for everyone to stand will be introduced. Everyone is a winner!
Drink Water: Impressed with their marketing strategy, the Coca-Cola corporation buys the licensing rights to distribute Drink Water as a premium bottled water. Austin Smith and Bryan Fox spend the cash on an Aspen condo with a giant hot tub filled with Evian.
VHS: The current hype for genuine ‘80s retro footage picks up pace as Xtreme Accessories launch a VHS video recorder with USB input, allowing users to authentically re-analog their smartphone footage via an app. RED sales plummet as film makers turn to twenty-dollar cameras off eBay. Warp Wave gets signed to make the new Adidas movie with tracking lines and all.
Collabs: Nike and Burton collaborate on a new board technology that uses built-in sensors to detect and monitor how much fun you’re having. ‘Having fun with your friends’ scores extra. If you have fun and nobody else saw it, did it really happen? It did now. An interesting phenomenon related to performance anxiety sees fun scores dropping rapidly, because fun isn’t as much fun when it’s being counted.
Tricks: Dennis Leontyev does a double Rodeo 1080 to layback tailpress onto triple kink closeout. Now that "Spin To Win" is dead, tricks over 720 are only allowed if they are done with an ironic old-school grabs and tweaks. Mark McMorris’s new triple 1440 Seatbelt will keep you on the edge of your seat!
Technology: 3D Printing becomes the hot technology when Union Bindings make their entire range of bindings downloadable. Insiders at Vans report that progress on developing a comfortable 3D printed snowboard boot is ‘very slow’ and they just don't have much flex.
Words by Jason Horton